Personal Gnosis on Kolga UPG
Sunday 25th July 2010:
The moon was full tonight, and clearly visible in the sky, directly across from me over the river. I sang Blodughadda’s song, but could see no one. I sat and waited. I spoke aloud of why I was there, and waited. I went into the water, and while it had been warm on my hand when I dipped it, it chilled me, and my teeth started rattling.
“Kolga?” I asked, suspecting the cold was Hers. I could sort of feel a presence, watching me somewhere to the left, but no words came. Eventually, the water seemed warm once more. I remembered the prayer that went along with Kolga’s bead on the Northern beads Raven had made for me: “In the name of Kolga, Undine of Cold, may I move through the lonely parts of life”. I had remade that prayer for my own sea necklace to: “May my loneliness empower me, and harden me for challenges”. It was then I came to realize what the lesson was about. I took my lancet, and spoke aloud that I was making this offering to Kolga, Undine of Cold, daughter of Ran and Aegir. I gave Her 9 drops of blood, waited a bit more in case She’d show up, but when it became clear I was on my own, I just offered the pear into the river and left.
My lesson was about loneliness. Yes, I feel lonely. I have a girlfriend at the moment, I have friends, I have loving parents… and yet I still find times where I am lonely, even among people. I think everyone does. The undines have been teaching me about dealing with difficult emotions, and making them useful. I often seek distractions when I feel lonely, just like when I feel sad or worried. But loneliness is a powerful thing. It lets you examine exactly who you are, and what you are doing with your life.
The lesson was also this: the gods come when They want to, not because we want Them to, not because we did the rites we were supposed to, and not because the moon is full or the solstice has arrived. Sometimes, They are silent, and we can sacrifice all we want, or scream in the darkness, but it won’t change a thing. We just have to carry on, give honor, and do what was promised, whether we get to enjoy Their attention or not. Them showing up is a gift, not an obligation. Sometimes, the gods let us be lonely, and miss Them in Their absence.
Last year I presented a workshop at Fire in the Hearth, and was quite moved by another presenter’s lecture on spirituality and loneliness. Brendan Myers’ book is due to come out October 2010, and I’m quite looking forward to reading it. Not only a great presenter, but a really nice guy too, and a deep thinker.
http://www.brendanmyers.net if you want to check him out. It’s called "Loneliness and Revelation: A Study of the Sacred, Part One"
Addendum: The book is now available, and quite good! The first half deals with loneliness, and all the things we do to relieve it, without much success. In fact, the things we do to feel less alone actually isolate us more. A great reflection and fuel for meditation. The second part is sort of the cure… how the divine reveals itself to us. I highly recommend it. His upcoming book will be on traditional hospitality practices, and how they are meant to make strangers safe. His lecture on it this past Yule was fascinating, and useful for my figuring out what makes dumb suppers work (a meal where an empty seat and serving is reserved for a spirit).
Next time you’re bored, and thinking of doing something to pass the time, wait. Spend time with yourself. Avoid distractions, if only 5 minutes, and be with yourself. Just pay attention to yourself and what you feel. It may be quite uncomfortable. You don’t have to meditate or do anything, other than pay attention to yourself. Avoid thinking of the past or future, just focus on the now. It’s harder than it looks. But you’ll start noticing things you normally overlook.
Hail Kolga, Undine of the lonely icebergs!